Meet Tracy Proud, a clinical psychotherapist who has created The Relationship Retreat for couples needing help getting their relationships back on track.
Relationships are wonderful.
And hard.
And uplifting.
And exhausting.
And so many things to so many people.
But what happens when the challenging times start to outweigh the good ones? What happens when there’s doubt or a situation that has turned your relationship on its head?
So many of us just try and muddle through as best we can, right?
But that approach can be even more exhausting and quite often doesn’t have a positive outcome.
We speak to local clinical psychotherapist, Tracy Proud about the concept of The Relationship Retreat and how she helps couples dig deep into their relationship using a unique, immersive and future focused approach called The Gottman Method which gets results.
Sounds interesting! Let’s chat.
1 :: Tracy, let’s start with your background. Was becoming a psychotherapist always on your radar?
From a very young age, I knew I wanted to work in some sort of healing or helping profession partly to do with my own experiences as a child.
My father battled addiction and he worked with a psychologist who had a deep impact on him. That sent a strong message to me about how humans can help each other.
We also grew up in a disadvantaged neighbourhood in the UK but always had services available to us, helping us so I wanted to continue the work I saw happening around me and help people, especially those who are marginalised and vulnerable or misunderstood in some way.
I worked in various roles doing that – one job was in social housing in the UK, for example – but I still saw becoming a therapist and getting qualifications as a bit of a pipe dream.
2 :: So, what changed that for you?
I had moved to Australia by then and I decided to do some research on what qualifications I needed to become a clinical psychotherapist and started studying just before I fell pregnant with my youngest child. It was a bit of a now or never moment.
3 :: Before we go any further, can you explain the difference between a psychotherapist and a psychologist?
Absolutely. A lot of people find it confusing.
Psychotherapists and Psychologists [in a clinical setting] both work with clients with a focus on emotional and psychological wellbeing. Psychologists have a science degree and will have the ability to assess and diagnosis.
As a psychotherapist, my focus is on exploring with the client/s what within their behaviours, thoughts and emotions works for them and what doesn’t, and then working with them to make meaningful change.
I also know psychologists who use psychotheraputic tools in their client work.
Basically, if a person needs to know the difference so they can choose the right therapist for them I would say unless it is about diagnosis or assessment or requiring a particular funding model [like a mental health care plan] then you are best to try to choose your therapist based on the rapport and fit for you.
Read their website, book a call in with them if offered, or book a consultation in and see what you think – it comes down to what’s right for you.
4 :: You opened Nest Psychotherapy and Counselling in 2016 and now, as an extension of that, you’re offering The Relationship Retreat – tell us more about that.
I was studying when I first heard about The Gottman Institute and their intensive and immersive approach to relationship counselling, but it was five years later that I undertook further training as I was realising my passion for working with people to create the best relationship possible.
To be honest, I was a bit apprehensive about it at the start but as I completed my first level of training of the method, it started to make sense.
5 :: What makes it different from traditional relationship counselling?
When I’ve worked with couples in the past, we would meet for 90 minutes once a week.
They go back to their lives in between sessions and in that time, more life has happened and the 90 minutes just never seemed to be enough time to dig deeply into the issues.
I would meet them where they were, emotionally and mentally, each session but we often wouldn’t get to the root of their challenges.
I started to offer half day and full day sessions for couples which allowed us to achieve relationship transforming insights because we had the time to understand the beliefs or experiences that had led to behaviour that was presenting.
The Relationship Retreat is an extension of that with three days of focused and immersive work.
It gives couples the chance to work on their relationship with the time and space to connect without distraction and without the usual interruptions, which can extend their relationship recovery for months or even years.
6 :: What can couples who sign up for The Relationship Retreat expect?
Another difference to traditional relationship counselling and an intricate part of The Gottman Method is the assessment phase which is done before we even come together.
The Gottman Institute created a highly detailed assessment tool which takes about 60 – 90 minutes for each person to complete.
It covers everything from their current relationship, life logistics, happiness and sexual satisfaction through to past relationships, family of origin questions around what life was like growing up. It also screens for individual concerns around mental health issues like anxiety and depression. .
We meet individually in person or on Zoom and once that’s done, then I’ll confirm if The Relationship Retreat is the right option for the couple.
Before this, the process is discovery and if there’s a better option or the couple require some further support prior to the focus on their relationship, I will work through those options with them.
The reason we do all that work at that point is so the three days we spend together are laser focused. I’ve got plenty of background information to start with and an understanding of communication styles, strengths and weaknesses of the couple, so we can hit the ground running.
7 :: Where and how does The Relationship Retreat take place?
I’ve created a beautifully calm and private space in Bowral where I meet with the couples for 18 hours of psychotherapy and counselling over three days – so approximately six hours a day with plenty of breaks and opportunities to dive deeply into the relationship.
You receive a personalised treatment plan unique to your relationship, a detailed and personalised take home handbook and we have a follow-up couples therapy session.
And while 18 hours sounds like a lot, think about what 18 hours of therapy looks like over 3 – 5 months. The benefit of doing The Relationship Retreat is that we take three days not 3 – 5 months and that’s so much better for the individuals, the couples and their families.
8 :: You’ve experienced this for yourself too, haven’t you?
Yes, I’ve experienced it as a client, where the retreat was led by another Gottman certified therapist.
My husband and I did it as a strengthening tool and experiencing the immersive approach to therapy was so effective for us.
9 :: You’ve long advocated for inclusivity and The Relationship Retreat is available to all, right?
Absolutely. We create a safe and nurturing space for all clients.
We are a queer affirming practice which means we are mindful of ensuring that folks from the LGBTQIA+ communities know they are in a safe space when they are with us, which sadly is not always the case.
10 :: Love is love.
That’s right and often members of these communities are not supported in their relationships as well as the general population, so we are a practice that celebrates everyone’s expression of love.
11 :: Can you share some outcomes you’ve seen from running The Relationship Retreat?
Confidentiality is highly important so while I can’t share individual stories, what I can say is at the end of the process each individual knows themself in a deeper way.
That leads to each person getting clarity around what they need [and don’t need] in a relationship, their boundaries and how to express that to the other person, and make a choice about what their relationship will look like, or even if they want to stay in the relationship.
Most couples I work with have hope their relationship will either move forward or they’ll gain clarity on whether it’s worth pursuing.
Every couple has some form of hope. It’s my job to hold that hope for them while they do the work on themselves, with each other and with me on what the future will look like for them.
And be assured that nothing can surprise me.
There is zero judgement on my part, always.
12 :: So what would you say to a couple interested in The Relationship Retreat?
Pick up the phone and give me a call.
Often people call me without knowing what they want and that’s okay….you’re not supposed to know.
You don’t have the answers. That’s why you’re reaching out.
Everyone feels fearful and a little scared of therapy but that’s just because you don’t know what to do next.
You’ve probably been trying so hard that you’ve been exhausting yourself with all the effort and feel like you’re treading water or even sinking.
Let me help you work out where to put your energies.
Amazing….thanks Tracy.
And how much is this amazing service needed in this hectic and busy world?
We love that it’s available in the Highlands too.
Guys, if you’re keen to find out more, Tracy offers free 10 minute consults to start with. You can also find out more information about The Relationship Retreat on the Nest Psychotherapy & Counselling website. If you’re thinking about it, that’s a sign you probably need to make the call, right?
The Relationship Retreat is modelled on The Gottman Method, an evidence-based approach to relationship counselling delivered over three highly focused and uninterrupted days. This unique method is hope and future-focused with outcomes centred around getting your relationship back on track quickly through intensive discovery and immersive therapy with the time and space to connect without distraction. Head here for more information and to connect with Tracy.
