Why investing time into couples counselling is a positive step for both you and your relationship.
Relationships can be challenging at the best of times. When you add in a couple of years of uncertainty thanks to bushfires and the global pandemic, it might be the relationship with your significant other that may be feeling the impact of all that.
If you’re thinking about relationship counselling, we’re here to tell you it’s an awesome idea. How did we know that? Because we spoke to Meeghan Bourne of Holus Health Counselling about what to expect at couples counselling and you know what? It doesn’t sound scary, and it’s a positive step forward for both you and your relationship.
“Relationships can be tricky and do often require a bit of maintenance,” Meeghan says.
“Some couples find it hard to admit they aren’t the perfect couple. The stigma associated with counselling has long been a deterrent for getting help, but this is slowly fading as people are more compassionate about mental health issues in general.”
And you know what? You don’t have to wait until life gets tough before booking in for couples counselling too.
“That’s right. Couples usually let things fester and wait until they’re in a crisis instead of focusing on relationship maintenance,” says Meeghan.
“But by having regular counselling sessions as a couple, you can address any issues before they get to a crisis point. Seeking relationship counselling is not a failure, it’s the first step towards a healthier and happier future.”
“And remember that conflict is both normal and expected in relationships, BUT feeling unhappy, frustrated, at your wits end or unappreciated in a relationship, shouldn’t be your status quo. Relationship counselling can help you both unpack these difficult and unhelpful feelings.”
Sounds good and super useful, right?
So, what can local couples expect when they go to a counselling session? We asked Meeghan to explain how she approaches relationship counselling.
1 // How many sessions are required?
Couples will often see a counsellor for 6 – 10 sessions while others may see a counsellor for the duration of their relationship to assist with maintaining a healthy connection. The amount of progress the couple makes depends on the individual scenario / situation. For example, if stress is the major concern for a couple who are otherwise getting along fine, then real progress can be obtained in a few sessions.
2 // What happens at the beginning of the process?
The counsellor will be on a fact-finding mission during the first 1-3 sessions. Together the couple and the counsellor will explore exercises related to how well the couple hear and respond to each other’s needs. Questions will be directive and ascertain how successful [or not] the couple negotiate when their needs conflict or are not met.
The counsellor will also tease out how the couple copes with arguing and if they can de-escalate an experience of intense conflict and provide tips on how the couple may need to structure their day differently in order to prioritise their relationship.
3 // And it’s important to look at both parties’ backgrounds and upbringing, right?
Yes definitely. The first couple of sessions will allow the couple to talk about their upbringing, with a specific focus on how ‘love’ was modelled. It’s important to look at subconscious programming when it comes to how a person sees the world around them.
4 // What sort of tips and techniques will they be shown?
Couples will be shown how to set conversational boundaries without stonewalling [which is basically a refusal to communicate or co-operate and can be very damaging behaviour in a relationship].
Sessions will be structured to allow the couple to willingly open up and make space for uncomfortable feelings, sensations, urges and emotions.
5 // What sort of outcomes should couples expect from couples counselling?
It all depends on the couple and the various situations they may be dealing with, but couples will explore how to not control their inner experience or someone else’s perspective. They’ll learn how to communicate opinions and beliefs in a way that respects each other’s values and sets healthy boundaries.
The couple will be shown how to communicate what’s important to each of them without jeopardising their emotional wellbeing.
6 // And that doesn’t all happen in one or two sessions, does it?
Usually it takes up to five sessions working with a counsellor for couples to really start listening to one another, feel a ‘shift in perspective’ and find some common ground again.
But it’s absolutely worth it. How you function as a couple has the potential to impact your individual mental and emotional wellbeing, and your general happiness, so it’s a positive investment for you.
Holus Health Counselling Bowral provides professional and discreet mental health and counselling services and individual, relationship and family counselling and psychotherapy. There’s never any shame in reaching out. If you help, get in touch with Meeghan.
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